Tuesday 18 November 2014

My new beginning; the move to Lanzarote

 So I have some catching up to do...in fact I have about 5 weeks worth of the most exciting chapter of my life to fill you in on. There is no excuse for not writing it sooner except that I was too busy living it than writing it. So now I am going to try and do the past 5 weeks at justice, although this may be a hard task...

Goodbye from me
 With my disappoint at the European Middle Distance Championships over it was time to face my next adventure; moving to Lanzarote. For those that don't know I had made the decision to do this in July after spending an amazing week meeting some inspirational people and quite literally falling in love with the island. I felt at home in Lanzarote and by the end of the week of deliberation I decided to make the move in the coming months. I handed my months notice in at Sky News on the 21st September and would be getting on a one way flight to Lanzarote on the 23rd October. This date was just a mere 3 days after landing back in the UK from Mallorca where I competed for GB and in true Hollie style I had not packed a thing. I also then had 2 days of work and my leaving party followed by my nan's funeral so it was a full on few days.
 Saying goodbye to some of my best friends at my leaving do was hard but we all knew it wasn't forever and after all I am only 4 hours away. Leaving Sky News for the last time was a very surreal experience. It was after all my first 'proper' job after leaving University. I worked hard to get there and worked hard whilst there in order to get to the Senior position in which I did. I still occasionally have to slap myself to actually believe I quit and sometimes think was I stupid to do so? Media is one of the hardest jobs to get into especially when young and straight from university these days - some would kill for my job and I had just given it up to cycle around volcanoes - really? However, it did not take long to realise when cycling the said volcanoes that I had made the best decision of my life.

 However, saying goodbye to my nan at her funeral was the hardest thing I had to do in those 3 days leading up to my departure from the UK. I mentioned in my previous blog how much my nan means to me, she along with Rosie are some of the most influential women in my life and I had now lost both. To this day I cannot believe she has gone, probably because of the rapid deterioration of such a strong woman and because so much happened all at once it felt like a dream (and in this case a bad one). I, along with my sister and cousins, said something at her funeral. Me being seen as the strongest one went last. I decided to read a poem I had once read at a memorial for Rosie. I don't know whether it was the previous emotions or the strength of the words but I broke down after the first sentence. It took so much to even finish through broken speech. It was as expected a tough day and one I really wish I wasn't experiencing. I still don't have the words to express the pain I feel about losing my beautiful Joyce but I'll finish this topic on the poem I read in church;

"Feel no guilt in laughter, she'd know how much you care.
Feel no sorrow in a smile that she is not here to share.
You cannot grieve forever; she would not want you to.
She'd hope that you could carry on the way you always do.
So, talk about the good times and the way you showed you cared,
The days you spent together, all the happiness you shared.
Let memories surround you, a word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day,
That brings her back as clearly as though she were still here,
And fills you with the feeling that she is always near.
For if you keep those moments, you will never be apart
And she will live forever locked safely within your heart"

My adult size trunkie (my pink bike box)
 After the funeral it was back home to pack, I had to leave to catch my flight at 3.30am. I had thankfully already packed my bike box with my road bike and thrown all of my training kit in there too. (For those who have asked the pink Planet X was sponsored and decided to end the sponsorship and buy a TT bike myself which will be arriving in February). Aside from training kit I took one bag in the hold and considering I was flying Easyjet had to be careful on how much I took. I knew I didn't need that much but saying that to a woman is just silly. However, I managed to pack quicker and more efficiently than I had expected and my bags were by the door waiting to go by the evening. I was traveling to Lanzarote with my Dad - he was going to settle me in and check the boys I were living with got the OK (as any Dad would do with his little girl). I was exhausted so decided to get some sleep while my Dad stayed awake until it was time to leave. At 3am the alarm went off and much like an excited child waiting to get on an early flight to Disneyland I was up almost immediately.
 My bike box was a cool 34kg so I had to take some stuff out but after that faff was sorted I was on my way to Lanzarote. Whilst sat on the plane I couldn't help get emotional whilst reflecting all I had been through to get me to that moment. There is no doubt in my mind I would not be sat on that plane if Rosie was still with us. The journey I have come on since losing Rosie last September is one that I believe Rose has taken me on. I would do anything to have her back, to this day I still cannot phantom never hearing her voice again, I miss her as much as I did the day we lost her. There is so much I want to tell her and ask her. When I struggle emotionally she is always the one I want to message. However, I also want to thank her for taking me on this adventure to pursue what has become my passion in life; triathlon. The lifestyle I was living this time last year is a world away from the one I am experiencing now. It was a lifestyle I believed I wanted, a media job in London with a cottage by the Thames to come home to, however what I really want to do is live my life doing what I truly love. I am sure so many others can get caught up in what 'seems' important. I want to better myself in triathlon as well as help others experience the simple pleasure of cycling and the camaraderie within triathlon. Without sounding too dramatic, triathlon, in particular Ironman, has saved me. It has saved me from a mediocre life of existence always thinking what if? and I believe it has taken me away from a spiral of depression that I began to experience when struggling with the loss of Rosie in the UK. The past few weeks since moving out to Lanzarote have been amazing. Saying goodbye to my dad at the airport was a pretty surreal experience and did shed a few tears whist waving goodbye. I had the compulsory moving in period where I drank a fair bit and also competed in Ocean Lava on the 1st of November which saw me finish 7th woman overall out of 41 (3rd off the bike!) and first in my age group. That race was my welcome to Lanzarote and saw me fall in love with cycling and competing all over again after my poor efforts 3 weeks before in Mallorca.

Ocean Lava podium
Champion
I knew within the first 2 weeks of me moving I had made the best decision of my life. The people here are wonderful and so welcoming - I have made some true friends for life out here and I cannot thank them enough. On that note I suppose I better introduce Nathan, my new other half (I would say better half but lets not make his ego get any bigger! ha). He has been absolutely amazing introducing me to the island and all of his friends that he has made out here. Being a chef and training for his first Ironman in Lanzarote in May it means I never have to cook and we have a common interest and determination to complete to our best ability together. Therefore we are helping each other along our Ironman journeys together, training is also not quite so lonely. I did say once I would never go out with a triathlete as I am too competitive but as long as we both remember we are only competing against ourselves we shall have no problems (although of course trying to beat him on our bike rides is only in my nature). He is so supportive of what I am aiming to achieve and I can't really ask for anymore.
Me and Nathan
 However, I'm not saying moving away has been completely pain free and easy. I do get moments when I miss the life I had in the UK. I miss being able to see my friends in London after work to chat if something is bothering me. I miss seeing my parents. I miss seeing my siblings and watching my nieces and nephews grow up. I also miss my pug Larry. However, this is a journey for me and it is something I want to throw myself into and give a good chance. I can see myself here indefinitely, I have plans I want to build on. I have a life I want to grow.

 Before I get too soppy I'm going to say over and out. My new chapter and journey is only just beginning. I have found myself again, or a new version of it as I have changed and grown since losing Rosie - many do after a tragedy. For the first time since that fateful day last September I feel truly happy and content. There is not a day that goes past I don't think about Rose or miss her, everyday there is something that reminds me of a memory we have together, but I am living my dream and pursuing a life I hope she is proud of. She influences everything I have done and will continue to do so. She will always remain my inspiration in life and in triathlon. Thank you Rosie, you are safely locked forever in my heart. 

El Golfo - a place that I sat and reflected with Nathan and looked toward my future plans - it was this lunch that I realised I was happy and content for the first time since losing Rosie

Monday 3 November 2014

You can't win them all

 Firstly, apologies to the avid readers of my blog for the lack of posts recently. It has in fact been nearly 2 months since my last one! Those who know me personally will know that quite a bit has happened; for the better and for the worse. I can't use the excuse that nothing has happened as my reasons for not writing I have just been either unable to emotionally or generally too busy.


 So, the bad news. I shall keep this short as it still tears me apart now. On Monday the 6th October I lost another influential and inspirational woman in my life. My Nan, Joyce, lost her battle to cancer. I can't call it much of a battle however as within a short 6 weeks of finding out she had cancer it had taken over my fighting fit 86 year old nan. She was the woman you would've expected to receive the letter from the queen after reaching 100. The 2 weeks preceding her death were two of the hardest weeks of my life. Watching the deterioration of such a beautiful, caring and kind woman was heart breaking. It tore me apart when she eventually passed. When I say eventually I mean it in that watching her suffer was so horrible you almost wished it to be over. 
 It is hard to describe how much Joy meant to my family and me. She was the rock and Lego block to our family - she held us all together. Apart from my own mum, who has learnt to be the best mother from the best, I will never meet anyone like her. She was one of a kind and had the most beautiful face and kindest heart. Many of my memories I have as a child are with Joyce alongside Rosie. We would get spoilt rotten with Joy on our trips to town and would spend hours in her house curling one another's hair or playing with our latest purchases. Joyce made a huge impact on my life and how I see it as well as how to treat others. Nothing was ever too much trouble and she was so proud of us. If I grow up to be anything like the woman she was I would have accomplished something worthwhile. I looked up to her when she was alive and I still do. The only comfort any of us got from her passing is that she has been reunited with the love of her life, Dave, and can look after Rosie. There's another angel in heaven and one more star in the sky.

 Joyce's sudden but also expected death all consumed me and I just couldn't work the night shifts I was scheduled to work. I cannot thank Sky News for being as accommodating as they were during this time. 

 Just over a week after Joyce's death I flew to Peguera in Mallorca to compete in the European Triathlon Union Middle Distance Championships where I would compete for my country in GB kit. In all honesty I went into this race with an attitude that wasn't all there. What I had achieved in Kona overshadowed it. I hadn't done much training after Wales in fear I would push it too hard and not give me a chance to recover properly. I used Ironman Lanzarote as my example - it took me 7 long weeks, 2 illnesses and a DNS (did not start) at Ironman UK 70.3 until I had recovered enough to train again (bear in mind not compete). I was also still suffering over the loss of Joy - everything seemed a surreal blur. 


 However on the 16th October I flew out with my Dad. My sister and mum where going to be there too but made the decision during my Nan's illness they were not going to. Peguera is a small town in Mallorca mainly dominated by Germans (obviously nothing wrong with that 😜) and it was bloody hot (it hit 36 degrees on race day).

Not too shabby being a triathlete sometimes
I didn't have the normal settling in time on this short trip but one of the first things I did was meet up with Amy Kilpin. This was a woman I had met on Twitter and had social media correspondence with for over a year, so much so we kind of became friends. This friendship was soon confirmed when we met and spoke as if we had known each other forever for who knows how long! This is the beauty of triathlon and what I love about the tri community. I also met Katerina Tanti another Twitter friend who then became a confirmed friend especially over our mammoth pizza and pasta carb loading the day before race day on the 18th.
 Another thing I did before race day was have a massage. My writing cannot do justice for how surreal this experience was. Having an old sleazy Spanish man doing it instantly made me regret my decision. This was then followed by nearly an hour of my feet; yes my feet, being massaged as well as an improvised attempt at my back and legs that equaled about 10 minutes. I paid, although begrudged having to do so, and his parting line was "You have a nice body". I actually physically shivered in disgust.

The GB team - where's Hollie?
Katerina and I before racking
Race day: 
The event was a half Ironman distance event (1.9km swim, 56mile bike, 13.1 mile run - a half marathon). Even leading up to this race I had still never completed this distance. How did I qualify you ask? Well I used my time from Ironman Wales 2013 and as it is an endurance event it was accepted. I had also never done this distance due to crashing out the first year I tried in 2013 and then being too ill to do one in 2014 after my poor recovery after my brutal Ironman Lanzarote experience.

  Anyway, normally these silly triathlons I have got myself into start at an unholy hour seeing me rise little after 4am. However, Challenge (the race organisers) had made it a late start at midday. I found this concept really weird and kind of unsettling although I can see the concept of having more of an atmosphere near the finish around the early evening when most finish (around 5-7hours). Having never done this distance I didn't have a major time in mind but wanted around 6 hours. In theory this distance should be quicker time splits than a full Ironman as it has a little more speed to it than the full endurance an Ironman requires.

Swim:
 I had breakfast as normal, had some lunch (kind of) and then was on the beach ready for the start of the race with Amy (we also managed a very subtle walk in the sea to relive ourselves - from the look of people pretending to play with their Garmin’s whilst in the water we weren't the only ones!). This event, also unlike an Ironman, was split into wave categories. I was being set off with the female age groupers (other European qualifiers although most of whom were GB) at 12.20 after the professionals and men. Due to the temperature the swim was non-wetsuit which I was pleased about. My times don't normally make any difference with or without a wetsuit and with one just seems more faff upon getting out and you always have the extra chance of getting chafing. After the rather freaky start line music making you feel like you were walking to your execution as opposed to a race we were off. I positioned myself as per near the front of the pack. There was the expected hustle and bustle but nothing like I'm used to in a big Ironman pack so it was relatively calm once we had all settled into our rhythm. I can't really remember much of the swim as I was just enjoying myself too much. The clear sea was lovely and such a beautiful temperature to be swimming in. Before I knew it I had turned the buoy and was on way back to land. Due to our GB kits having the surnames on the backs when I saw 'Kilpin' next to me I used it as extra motivation. I stuck to Amy all the way in and even ran out with her in 33 minutes but she shot off like a bullet once on dry land. 

Bike: 
 There was a 400m run uphill to T1. I managed a 5min14 transition - which although wasn't amazing isn't as awful as it sounds considering the run to T1 and then the epic run along the longest transition racking I have ever witnessed. 
Awful copyright but you get the idea I was on my bike
 The enjoyment I had during the swim was not to last throughout the race. Almost instantly on the bike it was evident this was going to be a struggle. I don't know what I was doing wrong or not doing, but I could not push anymore no matter how hard I tried. Was this all my previous events throughout the year finally telling me I had done too much and was fatigued? Was my TT bike, which I had chosen to take due to being a 'flat' course a bad move? Was I generally not trying hard enough? Whatever reason my head then went to shut down as I demoralisingly saw competitor after competitor overtake me, something I accept sometimes but not to this extent since I first began triathlon 4 years ago. My km/h average was slower than on the first leg of Ironman Wales, which is a steady climb on rougher roads - what was going on?! What was also evident after 5km was that it was far from flat. 
 Apart from being a constant struggle there is not much more I can say about the bike leg. I hated it, struggled from the get go and honestly didn't feel I deserved to be in the GB kit I was proud to have put on that morning. I rolled in in 3h21 completely done in. If I wasn't wearing the GB kit I may well have pulled out. 

Run:
After a dogleg through the whole transition whereby I actually walked I had some words to myself and began the run. Running however was definitely not the word for what I did during the next 2 and half hours (and yes disgustingly 2 and a half long bloody hours!). Even jogging would be a compliment and have since named it stylised plodding. The run course was brutal and sorry for my French but the advertised flat and fast course is complete bollocks! It was a four-lap affair basically climbing and descending twice each lap, which played havoc for us competitors expecting a flat course. For me it was just what I did not want. My mood had plummeted and I wanted out. Then if things couldn't get any worse my lower back on lap 2 just went. I don't know how but every step was excruciating. The way I ended up plodding/shuffling to try and compensate for this couldn't have looked very Team GB for sure! 
Sprint finish
 I did get a bit of a push, literally, when Amy came and smacked my bum as she passed saying something loud a probably rude. I didn't tell her until after the race that she somehow actually missed my fat arse and hit my lower back where it hurt and the smile I gave was in fact a grimace through pain. Even looking back on that race I remember how much I detested it. I can honestly say I have never had to use 'IronWill' quite as much as I did then and had I not been in GB kit and letting people down such as my dad and ongoing supporters I would have pulled out. This thought is something that has never crossed my mind in any race so I owe me finishing that race to you all, so thank you! I crossed the line with a sprint finish when another competitor tried to steal my red carpet finish by taking me on (I won). I completed in a not very respectable 6hours 40 minutes - way below my potential. However it was over, I got another medal to add to the collection and I got to compete for GB. You can't win them all and this one I would learn from. 
 
Another shiny

 What did I do after finishing...well drink of course with my newfound triathlon friends. Several margherita's later my dad and I stumbled back to the room in the early hours. We were flying home later in the day (this really was a flying visit). We got back home in the UK at 8.30pm and I had work in the morning. Although the race didn't go to plan I had finally completed a half Ironman distance event and also discovered in the painful process it is not my distance. I am still disappointed with my time, staring at my time splits makes me angry but in hindsight I am proud to have had the chance to wear GB kit regardless of the time I got in it. I will never forget it and who knows maybe one day I'll take it out from the depths of my wardrobe. For now it is Ironman and my focus is on my journey to Kona. This new chapter began 4 days after landing back in the UK from Mallorca when I moved to Lanzarote. My new beginning...(to be continued)

Only do it for the cocktails really with these lovely ladies